Don't Be Afraid To Ask Now!

Hello Friends!

Today would have been my Grandmother's birthday. She died 47 years ago when I was 19. How I wish I'd asked her all those questions I now have that only she would know the answers to!

She was, by all accounts, in her younger days quite a remarkable woman. I would love to talk to her about the roles she played in both World Wars as a volunteer in the WVS, life as housekeeper in the Deanery, as the wife of the Cathedral Caretaker, even delivering newspapers to all the houses in the village because the menfolk were gone to war, and when she had to shimmy up and down on the Cathedral rooves as part of the wartime fire drills! I'd love to know more about the dances in the City Hall, and the years she spent as a pastry cook at the Dyfed Cafe. Her sense of fashion and penchant for hats was second to none! I'd comfort her as she'd tell of the heartache and immense loss of losing her baby girl aged four months, the Aunt I never knew. How different our lives would have been had the baby lived.

Oh! The things I would ask, the things I would discover, the stories she'd tell!

Ask all the questions you have now, don't put it off until it's too late!

With her young brother on the eve of WWI. He is only a child himself. He came home.

A rare family photo on the occasion of the Coronation of King George VI .  They decked out every house in the street back then.

My {short} grandmother, Nanna, s second from the right {wearing an omnipresent hat} and my {tall} grandfather, Dacu is the smartly dressed gentleman in light coloured slacks.

This vintage {antique?} postcard was sent to them while they were courting. Someone had a sense of humour.

Until next time

Stay safe, stay well

Debbie x

Sleep is the Enemy

Hello Friends!

It's coming up on three a.m. and once more sleep is the enemy.  I am still making art tiles, it helps while away the hours and, if I'm honest, is becoming a little addictive, although in the coming fortnight or so I have signed up for two or three different online art classes, so the tune might change.

I made this tile and then I wished I'd documented the process.  You see, most of my cards are straightforward doodles, building up using known patterns, making them easily repeated, but this one is based on a geometric pattern which I created as I drew it.  I knew that not recording the process was a mistake  . . .

So I did a Take 2 and made a record of the geometry while the method was fresh in my mind.  Hopefully you can make out the light pencil lines and see how patterns emerge from them.  The more you look at the feint pencil lines, the more patterns emerge.

This is the second tile, slightly different from the first one

Nothing to do with the above, this one just goes to show the dimensional effect that can be achieved simply using graphite shading.  The undulations achieved are amazing given the base drawing was just straight lines radiating from a single central point in one corner.

Which led to this

then back to random patterns

I seem to be enjoying using my compass, set square and protractor now.

It is August Bank Holiday Monday today.  The weather is horrible but I think the Carnival went ahead regardless.  I hope everyone had warm costumes.  It's a long parade, starting on one end of the road by the Grammar School for floats, walkers joining in at the Tourist Information Centre, parading through the city and off to the other end at the Rugby Club for judging.  It all takes about three hours!  At least the cash prizes for walking entries are good now.  They used to be a pittance, barely enough for an ice cream, but now they are £100, £50, and £25 for first, second, and third place.

Well, that was yesterday and I didn't hit publish. so it's no longer Monday, but Tuesday. I have phone calls to make today. I'm not looking forward to any of them as they're all to do with the Parkinson's and various clinics and increasing my medication again. Its got to be done, but it seems as soon as I'm settling down on one dose, getting over the side effects, they increase it. And there we go again.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay well.

Debbie. x

It Was Just A Dream

Hello Friends!

I am wallowing in self pity at the moment.  You see, when I dream these days it's with a level of realism that I have never experienced before.  It is so real it can't possibly be a dream.  I am well again. And I can walk, and I can run, and I can garden, and do all the things I used to love doing. I am the slim, lithe and energetic woman I was not so long ago.  And the people that I love are all there. And I say to them, look, I'm better. I am healed. It was all a bad dream. And then I wake up, and it takes me a little while to readjust and I realise that this is real, it was just a dream. And I can't walk, and I can't run, and I can't garden, or do all those things I held so dear any more.  It was just a dream.

And I'm trying so damn hard to remain positive, but most days I just don't have it in me.  Simple tasks that used to take minutes now take all day, some days they don't get done at all.  Half of me is beginning not to care, but the other half cares very much.  It would be nice if someone just dropped in from time to time for a simple chat.  But no one does.  I am forgotten now.  I must get used to it.  I think this is what happens when you just stop going places, people don't see you and they forget all about you.

I think one of the worst things that happens is that people say, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. But the trouble is that's not what you need to hear. What you need is people to be proactive, be specific, and ask Can I do XYZ to help you? Ask me if you can fetch my prescription from the chemist. Ask me if I need a few bits and bobs from the shops. Can you give me a lift to the hairdresser or the dentist? Or even as simple can I pop round for half an hour to have a little chat?  A  phone call would be good.  I had friends who would phone me often, but it's amazing how people disappear at the first sign of a problem {illness/disability}. 

Even the pleasure that I was getting out of going to the hospice for one day a week has gone because they've reorganised everything, and now I'm the only female in with all men. I don't like it. I might stop going.

Thank goodness I have my art. It keeps me going. It keeps me sane. And it brings me joy when I know that you have enjoyed it as well. It's the little things that matter now.  My perspective has changed.

It's wild out there tonight. Winds over 50 miles an hour. Heavy rain forecast. Of course, it happens to be bin night.  Yesterday was such a lovely day. Typically Autumnal.  A beautiful blue sky, sunny day. That lowering light that comes after the summer solstice. A little bit chilly. but nevertheless, a beautiful day. Today we've skipped through autumn, and we're firmly in winter. It's going to be a long time until spring if the weather's going to be like this.  It's 3:00a.m. and the weather is keeping me awake.  I will take a nap tomorrow when it quietens down before the next weather front on Friday.  Of course, it's bad weather, it's a Bank Holiday weekend and everyone has plans before the schools go back next week after Summer Holidays.  The Sand Church competition was cancelled, and Monday is the local Carnival and Parade.  Time will tell if the weather is good enough.

Until next time.

Stay safe stay well.

Debbie. x 

Tangles and Dangles

Hello Friends!

Thank you all for your kind words of support. last week.  Most of you go through this from time to time and we must help each other through if we can.

A wise person told me that grief is like a great big, black, bottomless hole in our lives.  When it is new, it is all encompassing, our entire life engulfed in the darkness.  Slowly, the light returns to our lives.  It seems as if the hole is lessening, becoming smaller, when, in fact, it is not.  What is happening is our life slowly returns to it's normal state and grows around the grief.  That vast, gaping chasm will always be there, waiting it's opportunity to catch us unaware, it's just that life grows back around it and softens the jagged edges.

I am grieving for the loss of my health which is slowly robbing me of everything I hold dear.  I'm trying not to let it pull me down, but when it takes me three hours to sort out and take out the bins, knowing that every step could see me on the floor, or when it takes all afternoon just to dust the mantelpiece, or an hour to empty the dishwasher, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by what is happening to me.

I have bought a book to read on how exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of Parkinson's, until, God willing, such time that a cure is found.  Sadly, research into this disease is not as well funded as other diseases are, despite the ever growing numbers of those who develop it.

In the meantime, I have gone back to tangling.

Here are the tiles I have made this week.  They are 4" square.

So the above tiles are inspired by lessons on YouTube by Sandra Rushton of Sanntangle, the tiles below are my own original artwork.

Some of you may have noticed several changes to Blogger yet again, thankfully loading photos is now much easier!  I wish I could say that the recent changes Tesco made to their online shopping page have been as successful, but they resulted in me making changes to the wrong order and receiving an order that was not complete instead!  Thankfully there was enough food in the freezer to tide me over!

Until next time

Stay safe, stay well

Debbie x

And There She Is . . .

Hello  Friends!

I've not been too bad lately.  In fact, I've been pretty good all things considered.  It's coming up on six years now since my darling Mum left this mortal coil, and also fifteen since Dad left harbour for the last time.  Their anniversaries, although nine years apart, are quite close together on the calendar.  I talk to them every day.  I often pretend they're in the next room or are out running errands and will be home soon.  It gets me through.  

Then, I get days like today.  I was awake around six a.m. just sitting here as daylight slowly fills the living room, drinking a mug of hot, fresh coffee, doing a crossword, and WHOOSH there she was, the old nemesis, I hadn't even noticed her lurking, but there she was, my arch enemy rearing her ugly head once more.  Good morning Grief, my old friend, it's been a while.  Come on in, pull up a chair, I know you aren't going until you've said your piece.

One word, just one innocent word triggered something deep in my subconscious and there she was again, the empty feeling of loneliness gnawing the pit of my stomach which is now souring against the coffee I was savouring.  My breakfast can sit there getting cold and end up in the bin.  Tears now stream  in uncontrollable, silent, salty rivers, down my cheeks, the physical manifestations of the feeling of empty and hollow hole in my stomach.  Soundless sobs begin to rack my body.

I don't think she will ever leave.  Even on the good days, she is lurking there in the shadows, around the periphery of my existence, haunting me, taunting me with her presence, ready to strike and do her worst when I am least expecting her.

One word, one innocent and seemingly meaningless word to you, but to me it triggered something deep and primeval.  My mother appeared before me and the catalyst served it's purpose as she was quickly followed by everyone else who has left me here.

It's raining out, stick, humid, thundery.  My head hurts from the pressure systems that create the weather.  There are two of them, a cold front from the Atlantic, a hot one approaching from the south and over Europe.  We sit where the two will meet and that's what is creating this wave of electrical storms.  My emotions are in tune with the weather.  The pressure building, in my emotions and in the atmosphere.  A storm's a coming.

I shall spend my day with happy thoughts and memories, for I don't know how long this visit is, she may be gone by lunch time, she may be here a few days.  I won't really know until she's gone again.  Until she rears her ugly head again, and when she's least expected.

Until next time
Stay safe, stay well
Debbie xx

Well Smack My Wrists!

Hello Friends!

ICAD is done and dusted for another year.  Thank you to everyone who enjoyed what I did and for your kind words, support and encouragement.

It's tradition to share an image of all 61 Index Card pieces, but in the interests of Health and Safety I'm not doing the usual floor spread which means clambering on a chair to get the shot, so I got creative.  Here's my 2024 stack of 61 ICAD's

Normal blog wittering is now resumed.

Ever the one to encourage wildlife, my garden should be a haven for butterflies and bees, but contrary to this they are noticeable this year only by their absence.

Due to having Parkinson's, I cannot garden at all, except for the odd spot of weeding where the weeds are easy to pull and there is minimum risk of falling.  This has resulted in lots of pollinator friendly "weeds", such as teasels, dandelions, clover, mullein, brambles, the list goes on.  These are all in addition to things I have planted that are pollinator friendly, such as lavender, buddleia, mallow, verbena, sedum, mint, oregano, rosemary, and so on, focusing on single bloom type of pollinator friendly flowers rather than the double flower type of bloom.

When full of these, the right kind of plants to attract butterflies into my garden, it should be buzzing, but like those of so many others it is not.  Where have the butterflies gone?

WHERE HAVE THEY GONE???

I wonder if the BIG BUTTERFLY COUNT 2024 will reveal any patterns or hints?

I even allowed a RAGWORT to take root in my garden, so smack my wrists!  To be honest, it grows wild nearby and if you read up about it, it is fine to have it in my garden as I do not have livestock, and it will be removed before it goes to seed.  I had so hoped it would bring CINNABAR MOTH to the garden, but it did not.

This is the Bridlepath, not 50 yards from my cottage, a couple of years ago it was lined with Ragwort. Given all the regulations surrounding Ragwort, I am surprised it was left to get this out of control.

These are a few of the many species of butterfly and moth, with some caterpillars and bees that used to regularly frequent my garden but the numbers are well down this year.

I don't normally share other artists, but came across this and could not resist.  I've tried to attribute it but it came off Facebook. 

Have you noticed a difference in butterfly numbers where you live?

Until next time

Stay safe, stay well

Debbie x