After The Rain Came {and my first hill}

Hello Friends!

Though April showers may come your way
They bring the flowers that bloom in May
So if it's raining, have no regrets
Because it isn't raining rain, you know, (It's raining violets,)

It's been an odd April.  We've had hardly any rain, and most of us who garden have had to begin watering by watering can or hose in the last week or two.  It's also been bitterly cold for the time of year.  So, imagine the collective sigh of relief to sweep the country as we see rain in the forecast.  Truly, I never expected so many of us to be saying how happy we are to see rain at the end of April, surely normally the wettest month.

One morning, almost at the end of April, I awoke to that long awaited moment of blissful petrichor on the air.

The rain came in the night, silent, gentle and refreshing, yet not nearly enough but it's a start.  Although it's cold today, and I awoke early to a grey sky kind of day with scudding layers of clouds, the world is brighter, greener, slightly more lush and verdant, sparkling as it does only after fresh rainfall.

My return to walking begets more walking, and my desire to do so is growing daily now.  I have not been around my beloved, green valley since February of last year.  How my heart has missed it and my feet have yearned to tread those steps so familiar to me,  where my forebears also walked.  Although I never knew him, I always think of my Dadcu {grandfather} who walked this way many times daily, for he lived {with his daughter my Mum, and his wife my Nanna} in the grey stone house on the hill by the cemetery at one end of the valley, and he worked in the Cathedral at the other end of the valley.

As I began following the old, familiar way down, I turned to take a photo of some picturesque stone cottages

and the wall, opposite, covered in bluebells, white garlic flowers, valerian, and more

Just around the bend is Ty'r Pererin an old Victorian school, now a pilgrim visitor and education centre

I continued on my way, and suddenly I was more than half way down the hill, the point of no return ahead, for now the only way home is to turn around now, or go forward and up a hill.  Naturally, my planned route is the longest, steepest hill.  Decision time!

Onward, and downward I go.

The hill leading down to the valley

I have put it off, and put it off for one reason.  The hills.  Going down is not so bad, but coming up is another thing entirely! It's a long and steep climb from the river up to the Cross Square!  Still, with views like these, it has to be worth it; it has to be done, right?  I got this.

The bridge where my Dadcu would stop and light his cigarette,
before climbing up to his home on the hill.

The lichen smothering this tree looks like a fuzzy fluffy coat!

A lone dandelion clock!

I love mossy banks, covered stones and walls.  Here's one of my favourites 

How Green is My Valley?

Folk lore says that the higher up in the branches the rooks build their nests, the finer the coming summer will be.  I think we're in for a pretty fine summer from the height of these nests, don't you?  Any higher and they'd be out of tree!

Of course, no walk around my valley would be complete without a view or two of our magnificent mediaeval Cathedral.

and as I started my climb up the hill, I  paused for a moment where one of our greatest Welsh actors, Sir Anthony Hopkins, stood just a week before.  Congratulations, Sir Anthony, on your recent Best Actor Oscar {I like to think he picked Wales over Hollywood}

This is what he saw

If you ask me, that's a view that beats anything you'd see in LaLaLand.  Maybe I'm a little bit {a lot} biased.

I got there just in time to catch the Call to Worship bells ring out to bring the faithful to Wednesday morning worship, but had no idea how much the wind was battering me until I played it back!  {hope it works, if not I've shared to Twitter and Instagram}

You know it's cold out when you come home and wash your hands {Hands; Face; Space washing of hands} and as you run the cold water through, your hands are so cold that the cold water feels warm.  I should have worn gloves, but they hamper my photography.

Until next time

Stay Safe, Stay Well

One Foot Before the Other is All it Takes

Hello Friends!

I hadn't planned on publishing this, it started out life as one of those cathartic moments when you write it down and let it go to the Universe, so if you are reading this, obviously I decided to go ahead in the hopes that it might help someone else find their way through the darkness.  We're not alone.

I can't say I've hated lockdown the way many have because, on the whole, I don't mind being alone, in fact I prefer being alone anytime compared to being with the wrong people, but there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. While I haven't minded lockdown too much, it hasn't been a bed of roses either.  

For me, it's been a long eighteen months and then some.  If you'll listen, I'll tell you why. It began many months before the Pandemic.  I had barely begun to get my thoughts in order after losing my darling mother in October 2018, when in September 2019 I came down with a beast of an upper respiratory virus that knocked me sideways and laid me low for four months. Several times I would wake up unable to draw breath and several times I thought I was done for.  Terrifying doesn't even begin to cover it.  I ended up sleeping in an armchair for three months, too afraid to go to bed.  That didn't do my mental or physical health any good for the long term either. Then, in December I was hit with another respiratory tract virus, almost as bad, but not quite. In January 2020 both viral infections eased and, although weak, I began to feel a little better physically, my test results were all good, so I began, cautiously, to make some plans for the coming year.  Then, in February I unexpectedly lost my job, so I decided to take a senior gap year.  That was when the first whispers of a new, novel virus crept out of Wuhan, and my stomach lurched.  Somehow, I knew this was the Big One we had all hoped would never happen, yet knew and feared would come. I was already planning to make plans to put my plans on hold.  As we got further in, the fear grew inside me, like a cold, dark void, it engulfed my every waking thought, as it did for almost everyone else {other than the naysayers, of course}.  Overshadowed by what I had just gone through, and knowing I suffer from asthma, this new threat was overwhelming my reasoning and perception to a point of panic.  It didn't take much for me to withdraw, and I withdrew into my shell, slamming doors behind me as I went, cutting myself off from the world.  That was actually not that difficult for me for I have introvert tendencies to begin with.  Self isolation for a few weeks was going to be a doddle.  So I thought.  Who knew what was coming?  Oh, and did I mention I suffer annually from SAD?  My personal perfect storm was happening.

As I just mentioned, I had recently lost my job, so this was an ideal time to turn this around and take some healing "me time" and respite, doing things I enjoy, after being a long time care giver.  I hadn't had a holiday since 2006. Hopefully it would also give me to time to grieve properly for my recently deceased mother.   I call it a senior, or later life, gap year.  I wanted to find the person I used to be, before I had to give up twelve years to care for my parents. Don't get me wrong, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of me.  2019 was to be my year to find me again.  The pandemic that was about to hit the world had other ideas for us all.

I had just bought these two publications and was going to explore the area through the eyes of people from nearly one hundred years ago, but with the modern day convenience of my digital camera.  {note the lovely stamps!}  I thought you'd like to come along, and although it didn't happen in 2019, I hope it will happen soon.

I may seem outgoing and gregarious online, but the people who know me really well in person know differently.  They know, for better or worse, the real me.  I am a generally very positive and happy person, but painfully shy and introverted {until I get to know you} which in itself masks the real me, and my positivity as it gets mistaken for something else. Many have told me in the past that they are often astonished at how I can find something good in everything, even the really, really bad stuff, yet I will happily do all I can to avoid meeting people, especially groups where I don't know many, if any.  The flip side of this is bizarre.  I am quite happy striking up a conversation with a total stranger who sits by my side on a crowded bus.  What?  Anyway, I digress. Whatever plans I had made, the fear of Coronavirus drove me underground.  I've left my cottage only once a month to pick up my prescriptions, and I've left twice for my 'flu and first Covid vaccines at my local GP Practice.  That's all. And I've gardened a bit. Not anything like as much as I should, and I'm now paying for that mistake.  You see, as I got pulled down, it was easier to sit in my chair and procrastinate, and worse, let my thoughts wander into often dangerous lands of What Might Have Been.

Those of you who have followed this blog know well enough that I am, by nature, a walker.  Pack me a picnic, charge my camera, put my sketch book in my backpack, and point me into the wild and I am off.  A short walk is a couple of miles, more often I'll do three to five miles if time in my day permits. Those long walks became curtailed, and then had to stop all together as my caring duties escalated.  Missing this daily routine, my fitness has plummeted, although as a care giver you are on the go in different ways.  With arthritis, walking has become more a slow hobbling, although I am lucky in that I haven't gained any more weight in the last year or so.  {I do have plenty of weight to lose!}.

What light has been at the end of this darkness?  Well, until recently, very little.  Family, friends, and neighbours have caught Covid 19; one was very seriously ill but is thankfully miraculously recovering after months in hospital; three have died.   Every time someone has died, my thoughts turned to Mum and wondering how I would have coped had she lived.  What if I'd had to manage her deteriorating condition at home on my own?  What if she'd been in care {as she was} and I could not have seen her, hugged her, and held her hand?  

It's been a dark time in oh, so many ways, and I've had days, weeks even, where I have struggled, both with what is going on in the world and in my own universe.  I think the worst things were that I need repair work done to my cottage that had to be put on hold, and I began missing and grieving for my mother in a way that superseded anything that went before.  It's not easy to say this, but I had days when I didn't know how to go on.  I saw the darkness, then I somehow pushed myself on, hoping tomorrow would be better.  I never asked for help, I didn't want to burden anyone.  No one even noticed, at least I don't think they did, I hid my pain so well.  It's so easy to put up a positive vibe post on Twitter and Instagram which makes everyone think you are fine when you are anything but.  Then again, everyone is so collectively overwhelmed right now, who would even notice? Eventually, a glimmer of hope would light my darkness, but days later the darkness crept back, and so my year revolved in this spiralling pattern of alternating light and dark.

While the vaccine gives us hope, that is it, hope.  It is not a magic bullet we had all hoped for.  So, we must come to terms with some facts.  Unless we see a miracle, the virus is here for the duration.  We must learn to coexist with it, as we do with influenza and the common cold virus.  It means we must still be cautious and as our scientists remind us maintain the practice of Hands, Face, Space.  A fourth factor is now given: Fresh Air.  We are encouraged to get out in the fresh air to meet with friends and family, still keeping ourselves socially distanced and enjoy the great outdoors while remaining as safe as we can.

Getting out my front door to go shopping is not something I do easily.  The pandemic has exacerbated a pre existing condition, my fear of leaving home.  For years I have had to deal with this, but now,  just to go and fetch my monthly prescription takes days of mental planning and preparation.  I can't simply put on my coat and go.  If I can put it off until tomorrow, then I surely will. 

My days are getting good now, as the lighter days of Spring return, my arthritis pain is alleviated {which you can read about here} and I find it helps to give myself a good pep talk daily, and so, last Saturday, I DID IT.  I stepped off my drive and turned left.  Not into First Class, but something far better.  The wild and wonderful Welsh countryside.

I had tried going for a walk last summer, but saw so many people not socially distancing nor wearing masks I ran home.  So, I was terrified again that I would encounter more of the same, but I'm so thankful I didn't.  That step will come later, though, I am sure.  As the virus is here to stay, I must prepare to cross that bridge of meeting people again.

Everything was still there, just as I remember it, just as I left it the last time I walked this way over a year ago. Maybe the trees are a little taller.  I wept a few tears of joy at the sight of my old friends: the road beneath my feet, the trees, the fields, the sky, the ocean, the cliffs, and the distant hills and valleys, as they welcomed me back. Yet, it was so magical and special today, somehow bluer, greener, fresher than I ever remember it being. 

I give myself a daily happy talk, a little meditation, the effects of which I have found builds up over time, little by little. You don't notice it at first, but in a few weeks, if you keep on, you notice an improvement, that tiny spark of light grows and gets brighter.  It's easier to get out of bed; it's easier to get dressed and not put on clean pyjamas; it's easier to go out into the garden for a few minutes.  It's the first baby step, there's a long road ahead, but I pushed me out the door and I turned left.  Considering I haven't walked in over a year I was surprised and pleased with how I managed.  

One day at a time, one foot before the other, is all it takes.  

Thank you for reading.

Until next time

Stay Safe, Stay Well

An Early Morning Walk ~ in which daffodils abound

Hello Friends!

The gentle warm days of early Spring have arrived in my Shire so this morning it was easy to decide that housework can wait, and I will take advantage of this glorious weather and all it has to offer.

Following a fortifying breakfast of oatmeal, banana, walnuts and dates, and wrapped up warmer than I probably needed, I set off from the cottage pointing my feet towards the coast.  How glad am I that this decision was made? It was simply glorious out there this morning!

The quiet calm of the morning belies the furious hidden activity as the land awakens from a long slumbering Winter.  Soon, the peace was speckled with a confetti of notes, as a chorus of many birds started singing out their hearts, from chirruping robins, to cawing crows, and the urgent cries of gulls wheeling over the high cliffs.

As the sun pushed its way through the lightly clouded sky, away on the furthest shores of the bay a pale sea mist hides the distant cliffs, softening the milky blue waters of St Bride's Bay.

Closer to shore in the shallows the bright sunlight dances and shimmies across the rippled surface of the sea.

A tractor ploughs the land chugg chugg chugging along, chased by a rather large flock of expectant gulls, hoping for a tasty morsel, maybe a juicy worm or grub, to be uprooted in the freshly churned, velvety dark brown soil.

Sudden movement caught my eye, and some distance away, around a corner came a group of young military men, with packs on their backs, running along, thumpity thumpity thump thump thump on the hard ground beneath their feet. It did not take them long to catch me up, and I stood aside to aid their swift passage. Sweat poured off their brows as they panted their way towards their destination. I wondered how far they had come and how far they had yet to go.  I felt exhausted just watching.

When Spring comes, she brings flowers ~ oh! so many flowers, and today, as the daffodils are reaching their end the coast is starting to flourish with the first early signs of magnificent displays of coastal flowers to come.

There were daffodils, oh, so many daffodils, dotted here and there, and so many different sorts, from all yellow to pale yellow sporting deeper yellow trumpets; trumpets edged with frilly orange coral ruffles; all white petals and white trumpets; short fat trumpets or long slim elegant trumpets. Almost any combination you could think of! Here are a few growing in big clumps along the path edge ~~~

Further along, out on the path, the Spring flowers that our coastline is famous for are beginning to bloom, how this lifted my spirits to see Bladder Campion, Violets, and Sea Thrift all emerging from their long slumber since last Summer ~~~

Soon the flowers will be spectacular as more and more flowers join in the display, with great drifts of pink and white sprawling along the high cliff tops, suspended in a sandwich of blue above and below.

Nature is the best therapy, and I returned to my cottage restored and refreshed, quite ready for a delicious, thirst quenching cup of tea!

Until next time~~~
Deborah

Winter has a Heart ~ Memory Making

***a note to my readers ~ my computer is on it's last legs and I have struggled to put this together because periodically my typing does not enter on the screen. Consequently, for those of you who do leave a sweet comment, I should be able to publish, but may not be able to reply immediately, so please be patient. A new computer is on the horizon, and, frankly, is something I dread doing!***


Hello Friends!

Brrrrrrr! Unless you live in the Southern Hemisphere, I think Winter has arrived with all of us. It isn't too bad here, yet, but I'm sure we are going to pay this Winter for several exceptionally mild years recently.

As many of you know, I am a full time care giver, and now, for two afternoons a week, I have help coming in so that I can get out to do things that I could otherwise struggle with, such as getting to the bank, or off for my 'flu injection!  One of the things we can do, weather permitting of course, is to go out for rides in the countryside and make some new, happy memories to cherish as we visit garden centres ~ ones with tea rooms, naturally; go out for lunch or afternoon tea; just go for a ride to see pretty scenery; in fact, pretty much anything. This is why, of late, I've been able to share with you some of the photographs I've taken on some of these precious days out. 

Here's what we did yesterday. We visited a lovely little tea room in nearby Mathry called "Siop Fach Tearooms"  Sadly, they do not have a website but have a very good rating on Trip Advisor.  Here are the photographs I took of some stunning scenery, and delicious food we ate.

I have to say that the tea shop was immaculately clean, light, fresh and airy. A welcoming aroma of cooking food filled the entrance, and a display of deliciously tempting home made cakes was on display by the main counter.  More photos of those next time, but today I'll focus on what we had to eat.

A simple Scampi, Chips and Peas ~~~

I had one of several delicious sounding vegetarian options, Glamorgan Cheese Sausages. These are a traditional Welsh dish of cheese, onion and leeks. Served with yummy Sweet Potato Fries ~~~

Desserts! Puddings! Yay!  Lemon and Lime Cheesecake ~~~

Apple Pie with Custard Sauce ~~~

and I had Warm Chocolate Brownies with Ice Cream ~~~

I confess, the portions of pud were rather generous, but who's complaining? We cleared our plates!

Of course, it has to be Heinz ~ I fell for this cute condiment tray! I would have bought one had they sold one in the little shop next door ~~~

Who can resist an ice cold Fiery Ginger Beer, made in Radnorshire, on a cold Winter's day?

Isn't that a cute name for a company? "Heartsease Farm" It just makes you want to drop in and visit them. On the subject of hearts, I casually tossed my gilet to one side and look what happened? The folds just arranged themselves into a lovely heart shape? How cool is that?

I took a couple of photos from the window, the first has to be the creepiest creeper covered cottage I think I have ever seen ~~~

and this is the Farmer's Arms pub, just across the road. Recently, I was asked if this is 'arms' as in with hands on the end, or 'arms' as in "up in arms and going off to fight" ~ as far as I can tell, it is the 'with hands' version, although I've tried to look into this for you and there is nothing easily found to clarify. Let's go with 'with hands' as it is far more friendly, I'm sure you'll agree. It is a very common pub name in Wales ~~~

On our way home again home again jiggetty jig we pulled over so I could take a few quick photos of the wild and woolly wonderful big sky across the lush, softly rolling hills and gentle valleys of the Shire. In the far distance of this one you can just see the Preseli Hills, where the world famous bluestone which forms part of Stonehenge originated. Bluestone can be found across the world. Preseli bluestone is a fine grained dolerite, a magical stone with particular healing properties used in Shamanic rituals.

The weather was decidedly wintry, with gusty blasts of icy winds coming from the North, and I got caught out in a sharp, prolonged hailstorm! I love looking at the big skies over the Shire, in all their glorious majesty, in wonderment and awe.

Until next time ~~~
~~~Deborah xo